Still can't get bluetooth working (2012 Retina Macbook Pro - Windows 7 64bit)

I have already read and tried everything here:
http://kb.parallels.com/en/117550

Granted, I couldn't find a "hotfix" to install on the linked MS page. But I don't think that's the dealbreaker.

The dealbreaker is that after I have installed the Apple drivers, and after I tick Devices > External Devices > Apple Bluetooth USB Host Controller, it doesn't find the drivers and everything goes wrong.
The first indication that everything is about to fail miserably is this. Nevermind that what parallels is asking me to do is actually impossible, as I don't have an install disc or even a disc drive (seriously, what is this, 2008?), I already installed the drivers in the first place.
Windows takes this time to try and fail to install a driver, and the device shows up under "other devices" in my device manager as so. I am not unfamiliar with manually searching for drivers, and tried the locations recommended (FileRepository), system32 > drivers, and even extracting the Apple Broadcom installer and searching that folder. I even searched subfolders of FileRepository which, promisingly, contained files like "AppleBt64.inf" an "AppleBtBc64.inf" which I personally thought might be very suitable for the task at hand. No luck. No dice.

So what do I do? I need windows to accept one of these AppleBT.inf files or SOME AppleBT.inf file and use it as the driver. The closest I've gotten to getting it to do this is the dreaded "choose your device from the list" option, which actually gets a semicompetent bluetooth radio functioning that can briefly find devices but has no hope of connecting with them before it forgets they exist. Is there a way to FORCE windows to use one of these drivers, whether it wants to or not? Or have I skipped something important?

Please help. Bluetooth has kidnapped my family and will not let them go until its demands are satisfied.